The Zero Sum Game of God and Mammon
Men and women shouldn’t be wearing each other’s clothes because it confuses the distinct nature of the sexes. Radical belief, I know. Terribly sexist. But also completely in line with human nature.
Some time ago, an acquaintance of mine who has several liberal relatives posted about the little boy, Desmond, who is being encourage to behave like an adult female stripper on a highly publicized stage.
She defended and encouraged his having the freedom to do so without censure and without shame. She attempted to justify this defense by way of analogy with her daughter who wanted to wear boy’s cargo shorts to school. She allowed it even though she knew her daughter would be made fun of – and was.
The following is my response to her, posted here because the zero sum game between God and mammon is becoming ever more apparent. Make no mistake, you will have to choose a side publicly at some point.
Just because a kid wants to do something doesn’t mean we should let them. My kid might “identify” as a unicorn, but I’m not going to encourage that, let him eat hay, live in a stable. That’s the difference between him being a child and my being an adult. I’m supposed to make rational decisions for them, to guide and help them make rational choices.
As a general rule, I’m not one to comment on other people’s parenting choices, but when someone touts a parenting decision publicly, they open themselves up for criticism, so my comment is this: your daughter getting bullied for her clothing is, in large part, your fault.
It’s not like you didn’t have a strong suspicion it was going to happen if you let her wear them, yet you bought them (encouraged an imprudent choice) anyway. It’s your job to protect her as much as possible and instead, you knowingly opened her up for criticism, made her an object for censure, for the sake of giving her something she shouldn’t want in the first place (like my kid wants to live outside because “he’s a dinosaur”).
You’ll disagree with that and call it “victim shaming” because you don’t have a problem with what Desmond’s wearing and how he’s behaving. I do have a problem with what he’s wearing and how he’s behaving because it isn’t appropriate to his sex. His parents shouldn’t allow it. They especially shouldn’t allow it on so public a stage.
I don’t believe children should be bullying, just like I don’t believe men should rape women. But I also believe parents shouldn’t purposely allow their children to make choices that will put them in the position of being bullied (unless it’s something fundamentally morally consciousable – i.e., a child wanting to defend the unborn is praiseworthy and laudable and I’d let an older teen participate in a relatively risky protest; wearing men’s clothing, on the other hand, is not a hill worth dying on.)
Nor do I believe women should wear clothes that draw attention themselves to be viewed sexually unless it’s to their spouse. Not because men should be allowed to rape – *that* would be victim shaming – but because certain men do even if they shouldn’t, and because, whether you like it or not, men were built so as to desire women and to desire them more when emphasis is placed on certain female attributes (as if their God-implanted biophysiological response is so shameful a thing).
I would hope you can see that we have a fundamental disagreement here which results in a zero sum game world view. Well, Our Lord said you are either for me or against me, so the inability for our arguments to exist side by side makes sense to me.
While many of us deplore what they are allowing and encouraging this child to do, that does not mean we are malicious or ill-willed toward him, such as your accusation of “judging” would imply.
If anything, quite the opposite. Our hearts are breaking over what’s being done to him. It’s a travesty. God help those who support, endorse, and participate in it. Better for a man to have a millstone about his neck and be drowned in Lake Gennesareth than to scandalize a little one.